Showing posts with label FAIL. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FAIL. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Cake Wreck

At this point, you might be wondering why, after so many successful recipes, I decided to call this blog The Recipe For Disaster.  Wonder no more.

Remember this?

How it was so pretty, and white, and WHOLE?

This past week, I decided to make the snowflake cake for a coworker’s goodbye party. The cakes, a cinch. The frosting? Not so much.

I started out by making the pudding frosting as before. This time, though, it didn’t set well – I think I overbeat the Cool Whip and it lost its consistency.  After putting some in between the two cakes for the middle layer, I was wary of putting it on the top and sides of the cake, for fear that it would all slide off.  I tried adding more pudding mix – no go.  After much cursing and hair-wringing, I decided to just make a regular vanilla buttercream icing using butter and confectioner’s sugar.

I iced the cake on the top and sides, and breathed a sigh of relief.  The cake looked perfect.

And then.

AND THEN.

IMG_20110127_224723 (2)

A giant seismic cakequake caused the entire top layer to break in two and slide to opposite sides of the plate.

COMMENCE FULL ON PANIC. I tried to reposition the two halves and fill in the gap with more frosting so that it might stick together.  It almost worked, until the two halves had a fight and decided to split up.

IMG_20110127_225109 (2)

By now, hysteria had set in.  It was almost midnight, and this cake was supposed to be eaten for a work function in a mere 12 hours.  Eric was extremely supportive, exclaiming how it was fine, NO ONE WOULD NOTICE, and I should bring it in as is. HAHAHAHA. How cute.

Accepting defeat, I decided that the ultimate solution lay in the above average bakery at my local ShopRite.  Not wanting all my hard work to go to waste, I decorated the “cake” with the raspberries and white chocolate snowflakes I had on standby.

IMG_20110127_225811 (2)

This caused Eric to gleefully state that I should mess up cakes all the time, because then we get to eat the mistakes! And in truth, he’s right – despite looking like a raspberry volcano, this was just as delicious as the first successful version.

So, in closing, always remember when reading this humble blog to pay heed to the subtitle – “Results may vary".  Things might fall apart, but at least they’ll (almost) always taste good!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Spice Cake with Maple Frosting

Deceptively innocent, secretly devious.


It was my husband's birthday on Wednesday, and our tradition is that the birthday boy or girl gets to pick whatever kind of cake they'd like.  Since he is well aware that I now plan 97% of our meals around what I want to feature on the blog, he then took the typical Libran (read: indecisive) way out and told me to pick whatever I wanted to make.  Although I had a few ideas in mind, I forced him to choose, and he opted for a spice cake with maple frosting.  This is one of our favorite cake/frosting combos, but usually I make the cake with a boxed mix (don't judge). Since I am such a selfless person, I figured I could take one for the team and attempt a spice cake from scratch so that I could share my experience with my internet audience (hi, Mom and Dad). And, as I've said from day one, this blog is all about experimentation, for better or worse.  This recipe started out sloppy, turned slightly disastrous, then ended fabulously. Here's how it went down:

Spice Cake with Maple Frosting
What You'll Need:
-For the cake:
2 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup white sugar (I used 1/2 cup sugar, 1/2 cup Splenda)
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1 cup buttermilk (*see note)
1 cup applesauce
3 eggs
2/3 cup unsalted butter
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
3/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1 tsp salt

-For the frosting:
4-5 cups confectioner's sugar
1 cup butter
2 tbsp milk
2 tsp maple extract or flavoring

*Note: If you don't have buttermilk, you can easily make your own - just add 1 tbsp lemon juice to a cup of milk and mix thoroughly.  Don't worry, it won't curdle.

What To Do:






The first thing I like to do is get all of my ingredients in one place, especially when there are as many as I needed for this cake.  Then, I like to read through my recipe and see what I'll have to do in each step.  This information is then promptly ignored and I screw up, causing me to make things up as I go.

To wit:
Preheat the oven to 350 F; grease and flour one oblong or two 9-inch round cake pans (I used the 2 rounds and managed to not screw this part up). Next, sift together the flour, baking soda, nutmeg, cinnamon, salt. Notice how this list does NOT include white sugar? I didn't!

You can see the sugar at the top left of the bowl. I tried to scoop most of it out, but that didn't go so well.
I proceeded to cream together the butter, brown sugar, and what was left of my white sugar/Splenda mix:


After that, add the eggs one at a time until the butter/sugar mixture thins out. So far, so good.  Finally, you are supposed to mix the flour in 1/4 increments alternating with the buttermilk in 1/3 increments - flour/milk/flour/milk, etc.  Did I do this? No.  I apparently never learned to follow directions, as I dumped my milk in with the eggs, making the batter very thin.  Then, I dumped almost all of the flour in at one time, until I realized that something was wrong when a good amount of it puffed out and landed all over me and the counter.  I got more than a little concerned (remember, this was supposed to be my husband's b-day cake) when there was some serious lumpage going on in the mixer.  Thankfully, my trusty Kitchenaid kicked those bad boys to the curb:

Smooth battery goodness.
I made my next fatal mistake when I decided to throw in 1 cup of applesauce for "extra moistness". Any time you come across that phrase, you know you're in for trouble.

I popped my two cake pans into the oven for 27 minutes, then did the age-old toothpick test to make sure they were done in the center.  My toothpick came out nice and clean, because my toothpick was a lying bastard.

Beautifully baked cakes.  OR SO YOU THINK.
After these came out of the oven, gloriously fragrant and golden brown, I thought I was out of the woods.  Hahahahahahaha.  Excuse me, had to get that out of my system.

I flipped my cake pans oh-so-carefully over my large wire rack in order to let them cool.  The first cake cooperated nicely and plopped out without a struggle.  Cake #2 and I had some major disagreements.  I finally won, but not before some unavoidable battle wounds:

Notice the San Andreas fault line in Cake #2.
You'd think by this point I would have expected the next disaster, but I am naive and always hope for the best.  After these were cool to the touch, I tried to flip them off of the rack onto two separate plates to store them overnight until I was ready to frost them.

The horror, I cannot even describe.  I didn't even remember to take a picture, I was so verklempt.

Suffice it to say, Cake #1 (my previous buddy) had melded AROUND THE WIRES OF THE RACK.  It was like it was clinging for its dear life (which, let's face it, it was).  At that moment, I realized that my applesauce experiment had now progressed to Applegate, and was ready to bring the whole project to its knees.

After much wrangling, hair pulling, pleading, and incoherent swearing, I was able to get the two cakes onto plates and put this debacle to rest.  The next day, my hubby's actual b-day, I knew I had to face my nemeses again.

I made the frosting by creaming the butter and SLOWLY adding the confectioner's sugar (I learn from my mistakes).

Lumpy mashed cauliflower? Nay.  This is sweet, sweet buttercream.
I will admit that I never actually measure my sugar, I just sort of dump it in and eyeball it until I think I have enough frosting, which is usually enough to frost the cake and leave me plenty more to lick off the beaters. Add the milk to thin the butter/sugar mixture, then add the maple extract:


After you blend this together, add sugar until you reach the desired consistency.  I will also note that I like a fairly strong maple flavoring, so if this is your first time trying a maple-flavored item, you might want to start with half the volume I suggested and add it to your own taste level.

After all of the mishaps and mayhem, this frosting came out perfectly.  It was light and airy, with a whipped fluffiness that you will never get out of a can.  The cake halves, which both magically ended up being perfectly flat, was extremely easy to frost, and for once I didn't end up with heaps of extra frosting.


The cake? Well, it was divine.  It came out fairly dense, probably because of the Ingredient-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, but was tender and moist without being sticky or cloying.  This was a spice cake on steroids - all those great fresh spice flavors that are lacking from a boxed mix really pop in your mouth, while the maple frosting is a perfect counterpart by providing enough sweetness to remind you that this is a dessert.  I chose not to think about the amount of butter involved, since birthday cakes come from magical unicorns in a land far, far way where things like "calories" and "fat grams" don't exist.  This recipe could easily be modified to make it more health-friendly, but when you're likely only eating something once or twice a year - take the plunge. Trust me, it's worth it.


(This is how happy I was once this bake-tastrophe was over, and how happy Eric was to get his cake!)

Friday, October 15, 2010

Southwestern Eggs for Two

Hi intra-web world. This is my first post as both an aspiring chef and blogger. As you'll see with my posts, I'm delightfully self-depricating and usually will call it as I see it. I want to be able to share with you my triumphs and epic defeats so we can all laugh, learn and enjoy. This post is definitely the latter, so enjoy my FAIL and learn!


Southwestern Eggs for Two

What You'll Need:

½ cup of corn
½ cup of black beans
¼ cup cut green bell pepper
Handful of pepper jack cheese (to top eggs)
Salsa (I prefer the spicier the better!)
1 Pocketless pita
4 Eggs


What To Do:

Okay, so I’m sure that most of the people reading this have A) made eggs a ton of times before and B) will probably do a much better job than I did. The purpose of this entry is to learn from my mistakes and sit back, enjoy and laugh with me at my bumbledness…if that even is a word. Probably a more correct title would be “What not to do”, but I digress...so without further ado:

What I like to do first is to grease the pan, put it on low heat and get the ingredients out and prepared.



While the pan gets hot, I open the cans of black beans and corn and drain them. I then combine them into 1 Tupperware (why not, black beans and corn go great together!) and then I chop the pepper, about ½ inches by a ¼ of an inch.



OKAY! Ingredients prepared - now let’s crack the eggs! SPLAT!
Now, you’ll see this later - if you’re making this recipe it’s best to either use 4 eggs with a far bigger pan than I did, or just individually make 2 omelets with 2 eggs each. Learn from my fail!

I added my ½ cup of black beans, my ½ cup of corn, and my ¼ cup of green peppers, combined them into the egg batter and poured that baby into the pan like so:



So my initial thought was "Wow, this looks like it’s going to be really good!" And why shouldn’t it be, when we have all these yummy things together in a pan with more yummy things to come......but suddenly I realized that as I’m scraping the edges down and allowing the batter to run under the cooked part of the omelet, I’d created the omelet version of Frankenstein and alas, I could not control it on the flame.But, I’m no quitter, so I did my best to flip this gargantuan beast of an omelet...and ultimately, I got this...

FAIL
It turned into some scrambled egg mess - and a not very appetizing mess I might add. But try as I might, I was going to ameliorate this situation … and I began thinking what could I do to fix this mess...thinking...thinking...thinking...thinking...thinking...


CHEESE!
Yes, cheese fixes everything...let’s try thatI laid the pepper jack cheese on top of the scrambled egg mess mocking me in the pan …



And already I started to feel a bit better. What else could be done with this?



I dumped some salsa on top of the eggs. Now it looked like I had planned this whole mess out. While the cheese was melting, I turned the oven on (I usually have it going at 350F) and heated up my pita. Nothing says home like a warm pillowy pita.



I thought it might all be okay at this point, but who wouldn’t feel that way in the sight of a heavenly, glowing warm piece of pita bread? Once the pita was warm, I removed it from the oven. I cut the "omelet" in half and placed it on the pita, which looked like so:



Now, after all that, this thing tasted awesome...it was even man-approved by my roommate who graciously ate the other half.

We can all learn from my fail though! In the future I’d say use no more than 2 eggs, ¼ cup total of beans and corn, and 1/8 cup of green pepper, then heat it slowly and pray to God that the omelet doesn’t break when you try to flip it.

If anyone else tries this recipe, which is both fairly quick and cheap to make, please let me know how it comes out!